The event that has influenced me the most up to this point in my life is not some tragic tale of losing my mother to cancer (she survived) or losing the track state championship by one point (it was sixteen points), rather it is an enlightening story of my breakup with my first love. The pain I felt from losing my world manifested itself into my greatest triumph.
In the beginning, I felt lost; not knowing how to ease my sorrow. It wasn’t just a wave of emotion crashing over me, it was the entire ocean drowning me. How could I fill this void in my heart I never knew existed? My happiness was intertwined with him, I just had to untie the knots. I couldn’t just numb my feelings of distress, I had to heal the wounds lacerated in my heart. I had to think past the heartbreak and reinvent my perception of myself and the world around me.
I made the mistake of allowing someone to love me before I loved myself. My thoughts were clouded with this idea that the only appreciation of myself had to come from this boy. When did I implant so much self-doubt in my spirit? When did I become so naïve?It wasn’t a sudden realization, it was an intricate process of teaching myself to live without him. Without him, I found that I was surrounded by love from my friends and family. To think that I was so blind and ignorant of the world to focus only on an impermanent person before me. How cynical I was to find my happiness in only one person without cherishing it from the world around me. To extend my heart so far to please someone else; what was I thinking? I let someone come between me and loving myself. The healing restored a color in my soul so electric and vibrant.
I discovered that I had a greater love for myself than I ever had for him. For the first time in a year, my heart was able to breathe. With just one breath of sweet freedom, it bloomed and thrived. My heart was then opened and it welcomed all love from my surroundings. Ecstasy filled my being; an awakening of the soul.The most crucial part of being human is learning from your mistakes to evolve and become a better person. It is through this experience of heartbreak that I discovered my potential and strength to grow into the persevering person I have become today.
I have a fire in my soul that cannot be put out by heartbreak; it only burns brighter. I was not meant to remain sad and quiet; I’m carved from passion and intelligence and no boy will ever change that.It wasn’t his love that gave me the unbreakable strength I stand with today. It was the absence of his love. Who knew the power and might a woman could hold inside her soul?I hold no remorse; I possess no anger; I have no fear in my heart regarding love. The heartbreak I have gone through was a necessary step in my journey. Without my faults, I wouldn’t have blossomed into a magnificent flower.
Without this heartbreak, I wouldn’t have the strength to reach as high as the tallest mountains. Without my failure, I wouldn’t be radiating like the sun.