You me as much as I love you.

You are morebeautiful now than in the photos dad gave me. We might never have known eachother but you were in my thoughts my entire life. A day didn’t go by without mewondering if you’d approve of my choices, my girlfriends, my jobs – never a daypassed without me wondering if you’d love me as much as I love you.Youcarried me for all that time and gave your life so that I could have mine. It’scoming up soon, the single moment of consciousness that we share together. Whenyou look down at my tiny body, and I look up into your beautiful eyes.I’vebeen sent back, mom.

I’ve been sent back here as a guardian angel, to helpyoung me make the right choices, so that I can live a better, happierlife. HE told me that this is what happens to all of us.OhGod, why did I come back to this moment though? I’ve spent my whole lifewondering what could have been done to stop you dying. But there’s nothing -this is inevitable. It was carrying me that created the rupture. The only wayto save you mom, is for me not to be conceived. And I had the choice, mom.

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Icould have stopped it – I could have gone further back and you could havelived. And I was so close to doing it. I would rather you lived than I did. Iwas so close.Youknow what stopped me? You did, mom. I realized that you must have been sentback, too. You must have guided your life to this point, just like I’m doingnow.

You must have made the choice for me to live even though you knew it wouldresult in you dying. You did it for me. And so, I will do it for you. I willwatch you die. Goodbye, mom.